Bad Movie Sequels

Watching such a bad movie the other day (War), my friend Gary and I came up with a number of movie sequels which we would never pay to see, but probably would end up getting made some day.

In fact, screw that, I'd watch all of these movies. They kick ass:

1) Willow 2



Set after the events of the first movie (by about 1000 years), Willow now lives in LA. He's been enjoying a cushy lifestyle under the guise 'Wee Man' for a number of years. Oh yeah, he's also a skateboarder now. Whilst filming another 'ill' demo, he hears news that Lord Jason Statham, his arch nemesis from the 60's, is back with a vengeance, and unless he can deliver the Daikini baby to Hilton Castle, Las Vegas, in time for the Grammy's, the world will be completely destroyed by Statham's lack of talent.

An intelligent twist on the template of the classic fairytale.

Chances of being made: 9/10

2) Traffic Jam Of The Dead



After having milked every other scenario to it's death, we celebrate the release of George A. Romero's Traffic Jam Of The Dead.

Thought getting to work first thing in the morning was hard? It's about to get harder, and a hell of a lot more shit too.
After a nuclear meltdown in a petrol station or something, the world is now teamed to the brim with zombies, and what's even worse...they all drive gas guzzling SUV's!
With a dreadfully slow plot, our heroes quickly discover that they're doomed, either from the threat of the zombie invasion, or the far less imminent global warming situation, but which one will claim their mortal souls first?

Chances of being made: It's probably already been made.


3) The Passion Of The Christ 2: Payback



Set sometime in the distant future, Christ is back, and he's pissed. This time around, he's packing laser vision, and a bluetooth headset, making him the most advanced Son of God for thousands of years...and he's about to take out the trash. The white trash!

Passion Of The Christ 2: Payback is the true story of how one day Christ will come back from the dead, again, and properly lay into our asses for pretty much shitting all over him a couple of thousand years ago. The love interest will be played by Jason Statham's grand daughter.

Chances of being made: It's written in the scriptures.