Just a quick blog today. Hardly been writing for this thing in the run up to launching our site, but you'll all be glad to know it's finally online. Whoo! Well, the beta version anyway. There's still a lot of development to be done on it as of yet, but we're getting there.
Watching such a bad movie the other day (War), my friend Gary and I came up with a number of movie sequels which we would never pay to see, but probably would end up getting made some day.
In fact, screw that, I'd watch all of these movies. They kick ass:
1) Willow 2
Set after the events of the first movie (by about 1000 years), Willow now lives in LA. He's been enjoying a cushy lifestyle under the guise 'Wee Man' for a number of years. Oh yeah, he's also a skateboarder now. Whilst filming another 'ill' demo, he hears news that Lord Jason Statham, his arch nemesis from the 60's, is back with a vengeance, and unless he can deliver the Daikini baby to Hilton Castle, Las Vegas, in time for the Grammy's, the world will be completely destroyed by Statham's lack of talent.
An intelligent twist on the template of the classic fairytale.
Chances of being made: 9/10
2) Traffic Jam Of The Dead
After having milked every other scenario to it's death, we celebrate the release of George A. Romero's Traffic Jam Of The Dead.
Thought getting to work first thing in the morning was hard? It's about to get harder, and a hell of a lot more shit too. After a nuclear meltdown in a petrol station or something, the world is now teamed to the brim with zombies, and what's even worse...they all drive gas guzzling SUV's! With a dreadfully slow plot, our heroes quickly discover that they're doomed, either from the threat of the zombie invasion, or the far less imminent global warming situation, but which one will claim their mortal souls first?
Chances of being made: It's probably already been made.
3)The Passion Of The Christ 2: Payback
Set sometime in the distant future, Christ is back, and he's pissed. This time around, he's packing laser vision, and a bluetooth headset, making him the most advanced Son of God for thousands of years...and he's about to take out the trash. The white trash!
Passion Of The Christ 2: Payback is the true story of how one day Christ will come back from the dead, again, and properly lay into our asses for pretty much shitting all over him a couple of thousand years ago. The love interest will be played by Jason Statham's grand daughter.
Chances of being made: It's written in the scriptures.
First off, let me just say, I'm deeply saddened by the death of Heath Ledger yesterday. I'm a Batman NERD. I've been following the progress of the latest film since before Heath was even cast as the Joker. I remember seeing the first picture of him, and ultimately the first live footage of him playing my favourite character of all time, and he blew me away. So to hear of his passing suddenly, well, it sucks major ass.
Imagine if Godzilla came over to you and said:
"Hey there dude, I was wondering if you could help me out?"
"Go on..."
"Well, this is kind of embarassing, but whilst I was stomping the shit out of New York, I accidentally sat on the Empire State Building and got this huge spire stuck in my ass".
"Ouch".
"Tell me about it. Anyway, I got the spire out, but as you can imagine, the high level of toxins in the city's ever corroding eco-system has caused the wound to become slightly infected".
"Get to the point Godzilla".
"Well I was just wondering if you would mind extracting the infection from my ass for me, please. Of course, the only way you could do it would be to suck it out".
And then three years down the line, your mate goes "Hey dude, remember that time you sucked Godzilla's ass?"
All I'd be able to say is, "Yeah, I remember. But you know what sucked more ass than when I sucked Godzilla's ass? That time Heath Ledger died. That sucked major ass".
But it got me thinking, as I walked past the national paper stand at Tesco, only to see Heath Ledger's face emblazoned across every page. It made me think, "Crap, a LOT of people are talking about Heath Ledger right now. If I died tomorrow, nobody would talk about me".
Or would they? How many people are talking about you...right now?
This all lead to me thinking "I wonder what would happen if I Googled myself"
So I did. And guess what? Turns out, people are talking about me. In a variety of languages in fact.
So my first search was pretty useless. I typed in Kyle Webster and I got 449,000 results. Naturally, I'm quite elated at this. 449,000 pages? Who do they think I am? Elvis Presley?
So I was pretty disheartened to find that roughly 448.400 of those pages actually referred to either Kyle Webster the illustrator, or Kyle Webster the business manager. Scarily enough, I'm moving my career into both those categories. I'd like to take this moment to raise my middle finger at the two aforementioned Kyle Webster's, and declare them, as of now, obsolete, for I can do both of their jobs, in one ruggedly handsome package. Go me.
Anyway, I narrowed down my search to simply this "kyle andrew chog zoo" and was simply delighted to find 683 webpages talking about us. What a quaint little number for a company with hardly any interest, and no website.
What was odd, however, was when I found a bunch of our videos linked to a website named Fooooo.com, a site written entirely in what appears to be chinese, specialising in videos taken on a phone, videos taken of a phone, or just generally any kind of porn. As you can imagine, the site makes literally no sense, there's a bunch of flashing lights (standard with most Asian things), and you're just bombarded full on by the bizarre inner workings of a seedy online chinese community, complete with videos like this:
I mean honestly, what the hell is that? I have no idea, but I do know this:
4 days ago, I get annihilated by an array of messages on my Myspace by some girl from China. 4 messages in, I still don't know her real name (but I'm pretty sure 20 year old Chinese girls don't get named Shirley), and she's trying to get me to tell her my blood type! Yeah right! I don't even know it myself, so fat chance of me telling her!
One thing's for sure, she got deleted, lickety split. Methinks the Chinese are gearing up for a hostile take over of Chog Zoo. Who could blame them? We kick ass.
